DSC_0003Like most rational people, I like to go through life being constantly disappointed and/or stressed. So I never go into any situation without expectations, usually big expectations.

I tend to fear the worst possible scenarios when faced with change. When my diabetic son started Kindergarten a few weeks ago, I assumed that the only possible way he could go was if I got a job that allowed me to be at the school to take care of him. Instead, he and his teacher clicked on Day 1 and she cares for him like he is one of her own.

After my mom died, I was certain that the first Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays would be completely unbearable. They were hard, for sure, but they were not at all as dreadful as I was expecting.

Often, when children are disciplined, it’s the time that passes between the offense and the punishment that is the worst. Those moments of uncertainty, when your mind forms scenarios of such unspeakable terror and pain, are often all the punishment that’s needed.

I far too often allow myself to wallow in uncertainty, fearing the worst possible scenarios, kicking and screaming that I can’t be in control. The theology I hold to tells me that God is sovereign, that he is in control, and that I can take comfort in that. But the difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge is vast.

Thankfully, God is patient and gracious and always at work.



One thought on “Eight

  1. Pingback: Twenty-one | numbered days

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s