Thirteen

unnamedToday, I saw my counselor and I had parent/teacher conferences. So today, I’m thinking about the importance and benefit of an outsider’s perspective. I’m thinking about how community can provide that. I’m thinking about how, when I ask my husband’s opinion on something, I’m almost always left wondering why I don’t ask more often. He’s a pretty wise person, and he’s always always always reminding me of the gospel and of grace. He’s not the only person- I have so many wise friends in my life and somehow I am always surprised when they give me good counsel.

By all appearances, I’m a pretty put-together and capable person. It’s hard for the put-together and capable person to admit when she needs help, or when she’s weak, or ill-equipped, or confused.

I’m amazed at the amount of grace that other people have for me, and the lack of grace I show myself. When I feel the most crushed by the expectations of others, I am usually denying that the only person who has unreasonable and unrealistic expectations (perfection) for me is me.

So today, I don’t have all of my questions answered and I don’t have clarity. If anything, I have more questions. But I also have more information- not only about myself (from my counselor) and my boys (from their teachers) but also about this world in which I’m living and what my purpose is and how I can navigate it and understand it and be grateful for it.

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4 thoughts on “Thirteen

  1. Hi there. i just read through all your numbered days, and I am in tears. It is like you are saying my story out loud, and I hearing it for the first time. Your feelings, your fears, your lack of self or identity, it is me too. I guess what I am trying to say is you are not alone, and you are not the only one that feels this way. So many things you have said in these days are resonating with me. Thank you for being so open, so honest, and putting yourself out there, that is not easy to do. Thank you.

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  2. Pingback: Twenty-one | numbered days

  3. Pingback: Twenty-nine | numbered days

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