Eighty-one

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As of 8:00 last night, I felt as though I was drowning. It had been a glorious weekend, filled with beautiful weather, time with friends, a great church service, and even a long-anticipated date night. But as the weekend ended, and Monday bared its evil fangs, I was low.

I laid in the floor of the living room, surrounded by Legos, paper plates filled with popcorn and unwanted apple slices (a tired mom’s version of dinner), cut paper from my daughter’s creations, and I was so overwhelmed by it all. I realized my heart felt just as cluttered and messy.

I said to my husband, “It would be great if we all cleaned the house before bed tonight, just in case we have a showing tomorrow. It would be great, but I don’t want to do it.”

Then I looked in the fridge to make sure I had coffee for the morning, and saw that my husband had nothing to take for lunch. Also, we were out of fruit. And every glass was dirty but we had no dish soap. We also had practically no money in the bank, and school tuition coming out on Monday.

I was crashing.

I went to the office and saw the homework my 4th grader had done on Friday. I hadn’t looked at a single line of it. I had no idea how much he had accomplished and how much we had left for Monday. I hadn’t graded anything. I was scared for what Monday held.

I was losing it.

And my husband was putting on his shoes. Why was he putting on his shoes? It was time to get kids in bed! He said he was headed to the store. He was getting dish soap, and fruit, and bread, and his lunch for tomorrow.

He wasn’t focused on everything, he just did the next thing. And it was grace to me.

The kids went to bed easily. I fell asleep long before 10 and slept soundly until 7. But when I opened my eyes, I immediately began spiraling again. So much to do. Homework, doctor’s appointment, grocery store, bible study, laundry, what’s for dinner?

But before my feet hit the floor, grace met me and said, “Just do the next thing.”

Uniforms got washed.
Homework got finished before lunch.
Grocery list was made.
People were fed.

As I waited for my lunchtime phone call from my husband, I realized how easy today has actually been; not only easy, but good. I realized how foolish I had been last night to let myself get so overwhelmed. I realized that I do that to myself all the time. I waste so much time and energy and mental space worrying about all the things instead of just doing the next thing, and then the next thing after that.

I remembered that I had read Matthew 6 just the night before, trying to call to mind what I already know- that I am cared for, provided for, esteemed above the wildflowers and birds of the air, and that my worry is an indication of my lack of faith.

And so I did the next thing and I repented. And I thanked God for the grace he gives abundantly. The grace to do the next thing.

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3 thoughts on “Eighty-one

  1. I just read your blog for the first time. I’m guessing you are home schooling, right? I’m inspired by your priorities and thankful God has blessed you with a good husband. God has blessed me with a good one, also! Good luck with your move!
    Gloria Phillips

    Like

  2. Pingback: Ninety-four (5 Popular Posts from 2015) | numbered days

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